Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
