Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
