dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
