my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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