He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I die, sorry about rent.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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