According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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