It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
