dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
