farters have to be the big spoon...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
