Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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