his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
