Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
