Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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