I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
