How'd it feel making her break her religion?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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