Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
