Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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