Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
