Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
