so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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