there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We were destined to go to rehab together
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
