grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
