sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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