just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
