Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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