he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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