Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
