he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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