Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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