Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
