i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
