if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
