No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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