i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's like God shit irony all over that family
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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