I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
