i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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