just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
