Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
