After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We got so high we made milksteak
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
