im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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