oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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