I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
