so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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