She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
