dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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