I'm retarded. Again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?