We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.