Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.