im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.