So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
