Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
