no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
