booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
