The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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