i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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