every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
