my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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