I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
