Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
