i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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