It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
