i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The air taste purple.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
