Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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