I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
