Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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