It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
