I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
