That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
