we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
