do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
