I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
