lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
