party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He did a backflip because drugs
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
