Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
