Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
