Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize