thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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