My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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