He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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