the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
