Michael Bay diarrhea
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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