My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You have to summon your inner elephant
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
