Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
