member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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