Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
