Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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