Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
