New low: just hacked my moms facebook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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