so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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