I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
